Back Home for the Summer? How to Set Boundaries and Keep the Peace with Your College Kid

Summer break is a time for fun, connecting with family and friends, and taking a well-deserved break from the grind of the school year. But for many families, the return of a college-aged child can bring its own set of challenges. After spending a year living independently at school, your child may have grown accustomed to managing their own schedule, responsibilities, and space. As they return home, it’s important to acknowledge both the growth they’ve experienced and the potential bumps that may arise during this transition.

Here’s how you, as a parent, can create a positive environment for everyone during this time and make the most of the summer together.

Recognize the New Dynamics

When your college student returns home, they’re not the same person who left. They’ve spent a year navigating new challenges, making decisions on their own, and managing their time. At school, they were their own boss. They got used to their routines, made their own choices, and lived without the same level of oversight that they had at home.

For parents, this shift can feel like a clash of two worlds: the child you remember from last summer and the young adult who’s come home with new perspectives and a greater sense of independence. Both of these versions are real, and it’s okay to feel a little uncertain about how to navigate this change.

Setting Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Clear, open communication is key. Instead of assuming things will go smoothly, take the time to sit down with your child and discuss expectations for the summer. Remember, they’re adults now and are likely looking for more autonomy, but they’re also coming back to a family home where there are shared responsibilities.

Talk About Chores and Responsibilities
While they were away at school, your child may have been fully in charge of their own space. At home, they’re back in a shared environment, and that means sharing household duties. Whether it’s doing dishes, taking out the trash, or helping with other tasks, having a conversation about how to divide responsibilities can help prevent misunderstandings and frustrations.
Discuss Curfew and Social Plans
Living on their own has likely led to a more flexible lifestyle, and the idea of curfews or restrictions may not sit well with your child. It’s important to talk about expectations for when they’ll be home, especially if they’re going out with friends or working. While it’s helpful to acknowledge their independence, having a mutual understanding of curfews or general expectations around socializing can help prevent conflicts.
Balance Independence with Family Time
Your child may have a packed social calendar, but it’s important to carve out time for the family as well. Discuss ways to maintain a balance between your child’s desire for independence and the family’s need for connection. Maybe it’s a weekly family dinner or a few planned outings. Creating space for family time while respecting their personal freedom can help maintain harmony.

Acknowledge the Bumps That May Arise

It’s normal for some friction to occur when your child comes home. They may resist some of the boundaries you’ve set, or they might not feel ready to jump back into family routines. It’s important to normalize this process and understand that these bumps are a part of the transition.

Adjustment Period
Both you and your child are adjusting to the new rhythm of living together again. They may need time to transition from the level of independence they’ve had at school to the more structured environment at home. Give them—and yourself—grace during this period. Expect that some things won’t feel perfect right away, and that’s okay.
Emotional Growing Pains
Your child has been navigating new social circles, managing academic pressures, and developing their own identity. These experiences may lead to emotional growing pains that they didn’t experience when they were younger. Allow space for open, non-judgmental conversations. Sometimes, your child may need a listening ear more than advice, so being patient and understanding can go a long way.

How to Make the Best of This Time Together

While the summer may bring a few challenges, it’s also a unique opportunity for growth and reconnection. Here are a few ways to make the most of the time with your college student:

Foster Open Communication
Ensure that communication flows both ways. Encourage your child to share what’s going on in their life, their hopes for the summer, and any stress they may be feeling. Listen to them without judgment, and let them know you’re there for support.
Celebrate the Milestones
Your child is likely navigating a big chapter in their life—whether it’s completing their first year of college or preparing for a future internship or job. Take the time to celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Your encouragement can boost their confidence and strengthen your bond.
Enjoy the Simple Moments
Some of the most memorable moments with your child won’t be the grand gestures, but the small, everyday interactions. Whether it’s cooking together, watching a favorite movie, or chatting over coffee, these moments can help deepen your connection and create lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Summer with your college student is a time for both family growth and personal growth. By setting clear boundaries, being patient during the adjustment period, and making time for meaningful conversations, you can ensure a positive, fulfilling summer for everyone involved.

Remember, it’s normal for things to feel a little unsettled at first. Embrace the change, keep the lines of communication open, and most importantly, enjoy the time you have together. After all, this is a special chapter in both your life and your child’s journey.

If you’re feeling concerned about your student’s behavior—whether it’s struggles with drinking, drug use, gambling, or challenges around respecting boundaries—you’re not alone. These issues can be difficult to navigate, especially when your child is transitioning from the independence of college life back to family dynamics. At Feinberg Consulting, we specialize in helping families like yours create supportive, actionable plans to address these challenges and restore balance.

Our team of experienced case managers and family coaches can work with you to develop personalized strategies, provide guidance on setting clear and compassionate boundaries, and offer ongoing support as your family adapts to these changes. Don’t wait for things to get more complicated—reach out today for a consultation and let us help you navigate this challenging time with confidence and care.

The Student’s Perspective